|i can't walk straight
||[Sep. 5th, 2004|12:29 pm]
It has been clinically proven, Jennifer Louise Pulvers canNOT walk straight. Yes, it is a sad, and serious matter. (You can tell how serious it is by the fact alone that I am using capital letters, when I am so prejudice against them.) I am quite fragil about this if you bring the subject up. So, please, if you do wish to talk about my crooked walking patterns, do so gently. We all have our imperfections. This is mine. You may think the idea of not being able to walk straight is completely proposterous, but there is proof, witnesses, and tests to show that it is true.
I have been seen walking into light poles, mail boxes, and dogs.
I have walked off the side walk into the bushes, or off the curb into the street.
When strolling along with a buddy, or two, I bump into them; fall onto their shoulder; or completely knock them over.
These are just a few examples of the many cases I have not walked straight.
This odd behavior is not cited as a W.U.I. (Walking Under the Influence) for I am not intoxicated when I decide to walk around. That just ISN’T safe! I am perfectly sober and legal. So, how does this strangeness happen, you might ask? Well, it all started when I was in kindergarten *true story... mostly...well, actually*.......
It was recess, tricycles were being pedaled around, swings were swinging, kids were sliding on the slides, and I, the tomboy of the bunch, was running around. Why was I running? I had a goal in mind: To catch David (this brown-haired kindergarted cutie. I
never was a fan on blonde boys.) And, yes, tomboys can have crushes, too. Although, I DO think I was crushing on David merely because all the other girls had lovers. Yes, as surprising as it may seem, I was once a follower like all of you. But, anywho. Back to the story. I was chasing around David, and he was doing that way of running that you do when you’re trying to dodge bullets- it has a technical term, but silly me has blanked out
for the moment. So I was jutting left and right, around the jump-ropers, over the sandbox,
through the swings. It was all fine until I got to the mini cars. You know, those plastic things you sit down in and use your feet to move around. To think, we actually thought we were driving. Boy that was the day. Well, there were about four or five mini cars, driving around in a circle, just like how crows circle their prey...Hmm, ironic. I had chased David through to the middle of them, and he darted out through the break between Cindy’s mini car and Doug’s mini car. But, the circle had closed in tightly before I could get out. I scoped the scene for my options. Chances of getting out alive were slim. What was a Jenny to do? I could either sit down and wait out recess break, or make a run for it.
I was not just about to waste my only time to seize the love of my life, so I made a run for
it. I ran as fast as my little two-foot long legs would take me, I saw a clearing, but just at
the last second Jimmy’s car came in and clipped my left big toe. It was horrible. Painful. Traumatizing.
To this day my left toe has been crooked and slightly bigger than the right. As a result,
when I walk, my body leads more to the right than the middle. Meaning I do not walk straight.
The morals of this entry:
Do not be a follower, do as you please and don’t worry what other people do with their life. You will become handicapped if you do.
Don’t be mean to those who can’t walk straight, they will take a mini car to you. And it won’t be pretty. Mwahaha.. Just kidding, I’m not evil....
Take extra precautions when walking next to me.